


Goodbye, My Love

by LightBlueFlower



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 01:33:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10687029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightBlueFlower/pseuds/LightBlueFlower
Summary: "Wait, Kiku! What are you-" He yelled, but it seems like Kiku was ignoring him by closing his eyes."Thank you for still loving me, even after all this…""Now hold on-""Thank you for being there for me before…""Stop it!""Aishiteru. Arigatou. Soshite sayonara." There was the sound of a bullet that pierced through the air.





	Goodbye, My Love

**Author's Note:**

> An old angsty story, but I was (and still kind of am) proud of being able to write this mess. I tried my best to translate the Japanese properly, but if I didnt please send me an message correcting it! It would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this oneshot!

Dark clouds rolled over them, letting out a low rumble as raindrops started to drizzle softly. The drops hit against the skin of both the figures standing in the middle of the flat field.

Alfred F. Jones took in the scenery before him slowly. He took in a deep breath as his clear blue eyes darted around the landscape, looking amongst all the death bodies that lay further around them. A chill ran through him as the raindrops hit him, seeping through his military uniform and his skin to his bones. Although he has been to war before, he could never get used to seeing all these bodies.

Alfred slowly fell to his knees, looking towards the ground in defeat. He then looked up towards the sky, closing his eyes as he forced on a small smile. He allowed himself to get drenched as he entered at state of deep thought. This was it. The result of this long-term bloodbath has been decided.

 _Why_ , he thought sadly. _Why does it always rain when things like these happen? Why can't it be sunny instead? Why is it whenever someone is about to face death, it always rains?_

The blonde then looked straight towards him, looking at the man standing in from him. A huge lump of emotion built up inside his throat, and he tried his best not to shed any tears.

In front of him is the man who has just defeated him in this final battle. The fair-skin man brushed strands of his wet raven hair from his eyes. His brown eyes, which are usually filled with neutrality, but at the same time warmth, bore through Alfred. They were a dull shade, and there was not a single strand of humanity in them.

They looked so…dead. As if his soul was completely sucked out of him. The man took a step towards Alfred, halting as he wiped blood off his face.

"Are you prepared to face the consequences of your actions…" The man paused as he stared at Alfred with a look that even he can't decipher. "America-san?" The man said those words

Alfred tried to gulp down the lump, but those words just shot through him like a bullet. More emotions built up inside him when he heard those words and the way he called him 'America-san' instead of 'Alfred-kun'.

This was the man who he once ignored. This was the man who hurt him terribly with the surprise bombing on Pearl Harbour. This was the man he swore revenge on, and hurt him triple with the nuclear bomb. The man who caused him pain. The man he caused pain to. The man he soon establishes a decent acquaintanceship with him, and was grateful that he did. The man who he shared the same interest in video games, horror film, comics and animations. The man he soon recognized an excellent friendship with, and it escalated to something much, much more.

This was Japan. This was Kiku Honda. His beautiful Japan. His adorable Kiku. His love. His heart and soul. He's the only one who could understand Alfred so well. He's the only one who could quiet him down with that silky, soft voice of his, and lull him peacefully to sleep. He's the only one who could make Alfred fall crazy in love with him that he commits to do anything to make sure of the other's happiness. Kiku was everything to Alfred. Kiku was his get-away from the rest of the world. His beautiful Kiku was right there, in front of his eyes, his white Navy uniform tattered and bloodied, ready to seal his death. He looked far from what he usually seemed like. He looked far too serious and dulled out to be Japan.

Alfred just wanted that what is happening right now was just a dream. He wanted every single damn thing that has happened during the past months to be a terrible nightmare that would end quickly. Then, when this hell was over, he would wake up in a warm cocoon of blankets, with Kiku,that blocked them both from the outside world. The blonde would beholding Kiku by wrapping his arm around his slim body, allowing him to snuggle happily against his chest and listen to other's heartbeat. He can stay like that from a long time if it weren't for their bosses and their responsibilities as nations. Alfred may then watch Kiku and admire how adorable he was asleep. He would stroke his hair a bit, until Kiku decides to arouse from his dream, cutely let out a small yawn and mumble out tiredly a quiet 'Good morning, Alfred-kun' against his chest, refusing to get up. This will then earn him a shower of soft kisses on his cheeks, forehead, nose, and neck as Alfred would reply with a 'Good morning, baby'.

And after reluctantly getting out of bed and getting ready for the day ahead of them, they would go on to eating breakfast and exchanging one or two simple kisses (okay, it was WAY more than just two. And some weren't even simply on the lips). They would tend to their duties for the day; attend the world meetings together, meeting with their bosses, and all those boring things. And as night fall, they would either go to Alfred's or Kiku's house, extremely tired. Some nights, they would just go straight to bed in each other's arms. But most nights, they would have enough energy to show their lust and love passionately to each other behind the locked bedroom door.

But, this wasn't a dream. This was reality. He was living the nightmare, and had to live through this hell till the end. And till his end Alfred shall proceed to.

Kiku just stared at Alfred with narrow eyes as he pulled out a small, metallic piece out of his belt. In hissmall hand came a pistol that Alfred had only seen Kiku use once.

This must be a very special occasion, Alfred thought, chuckling at how this was a terrible time to say shit like that. He was about to get killed. But, what does it matter what he says now?

He deserves to die and no longer remain a nation. His boss was the reason for this war, but he still obeyed and carried out orders. He deserves to die in the hands of the nation he used to love and hurt. Scratch that. The man he still loves wholeheartedly, but still hurt for the sake of his boss.

Alfred could never live down the guilt of back-stabbing Kiku if he were to live on after this. What he did…it was the worst thing anyone could ever do.

He didn't want to listen to his boss and claim war on Japan. But, he didn't have a choice in the matter. It was terrible when he heard of this. The events that happened that damned night and the following morning flashed through Alfred's mind.

_"No!" Alfred yelled furiously at his boss in the meeting room. "Why would you claim war on Japan? Kiku did nothing wrong to me, or any of us! We are closer than ever, and I'm not throwing what we have between each other for your sake!"_

_"You have no say in the matter, America," his boss boomed._

_"Fuck yeah I do! I'm a nation, I have a say in this matter. And I say no! What do you think we've been trying to do ever since what we did to them during World War 2? Why would you have suggested me to get close with him when we are just going to back-stab him-"_

_"We needed his trust so we can set the plan in motion."_

_"…What plan?" His boss soon explained to him the meaning behind claiming war on Japan. It was just another one of those idiotic reasons for war._

_"We just wanted you to become close friends with Japan and gain his trust. But it seems like he became closer to you more than friend…" There was a look of distaste in his boss' face. Of course, his boss did not encourage homosexual relationships like everyone else. There was a reason why Alfred had such a hard time confessing about his sexuality to them. But they let it slide since he was a nation, but made sure that it did not go to the public. "We should be glad that you were able to gain his trust…even if it did mean lowering yourself to lose your pride and dignity to that Jap." Another look of distaste and disgust, and this time Alfred's anger boiled._

_"What do you mean by that? What pride and dignity did I lose? Yeah, okay, I'm not a virgin if that's what you mean, but I still have pride and dignity in myself! You don't think I got that close to him because of you, did you? Sure, at first I was sort of reluctant about starting off a friendship with him, but I'm grateful that we got to be close! And, as much as you hate it whenever I say this, but I love Kiku, and there is no way am I-!"_

_"Silence!" His boss bellowed. "As I said before, you have no choice. You have to obey what I say. Do you understand?" Alfred stared at him with daggers, but he couldn't do anything against it._

_Kiku took another step forward. His face was still expressionless as he brought the metal pistol up and loaded it. "Well?"_

_"Yes, I am," Alfred whispered, looking down to the ground_.

Kiku was now in front of Alfred, seeming like he didn't give a damn in the world about what was going to happen next. Alfred looked up to him, biting his bottom lips at the cold stare he received.

Kiku raised the pistol right in front of Alfred, and put his slim index finger around the trigger. He stopped right there, and examined Alfred for a moment.

"You understand that only one of us can leave this field, correct? You also know what has been brought to you, because of your actions, correct? That you can never be forgiven." Alfred felt himself go numb as he stared at him.

" _Kiku?"_

_"Yes, Alfred-kun?"_

_"What do you think of me?" The two were outside on Kiku's porch, enjoying the nice, summer breeze side-by-side. The wind chimes that hung above them set the calm mood. Kiku looked at the blonde, who just kept staring out to the open field that lay in front of them. Although he didn't seem it, Alfred's heart was pounding loudly, and he was restraining a crimson blush that was about to form._

_"Why, Alfred-kun?" Kiku asked, uncomfortable with where this may lead to._

_"I was just thinking…" Alfred said, leaning his hand so it would envelope Kiku's. He threaded his fingers through the spaces between the others. Using his thumb to gently stroke Kiku's hand, he continued, "I'm such an ass to you." Kiku looked at him, surprised._

_"Why would you say that?" Kiku exclaimed, surprising Alfred at how loud he was. "You're not!"_

_"Maybe not now, but back then, I hurt you so much…" Alfred trailed off, not finishing his sentence. They both knew what he meant. Kiku looked down sadly, suddenly his faded wounds shot with a different pain. He leaned his head on Alfred's shoulder, who, in turn, tilted his head on top of his. He waited for a moment, before speaking._

_"Well, that was back then," Kiku said softly, a smile growing on his face when he saw their hands intertwined. He paused, choosing his words wisely. "It's not like you had a choice, either, Alfred-kun. It just…happened, I guess. But, just because of that one thing, it doesn't change my opinion on you know."_

_"Oh?" Alfred asked with a chuckled. "What's that?"_

_"You are still the same arrogant, annoying, loud, rude,and many other things. You have too many flaws to name. But…"_

_"You're also kind, gentle, smart, loyal, and true to your words. And, I forgive you for what you did. I know that you wouldn't hurt me like that again. Because you promised me that and I…" Kiku paused, as if he was not used to saying the following towards others. "I believe you." There was a loving silence that fell upon them. Alfred leaned his head so he can kiss the top of Kiku's head._

_"I love you, Kiku," Alfred whispered into the kiss, nuzzling against him. "I'm glad you think that way. I promise that I would never hurt you…"_

_" **kimi o aishitemasu** (I love you too,)" Kiku whispered back blissfully. " I know you wouldn't hurt me..."_

"Yes, I do. And I'm prepared to face the consequences." Kiku stared down at him, and glared.

"Is there anything you would like to say before I end your miseries, America-san?" He asked, noticing the look in his eyes. Alfred nodded, thinking for a moment.

"Kiku," Alfred started, noticing how Kiku flinched at how he called him by his human name. He inhaled the moist air deeply, before continuing on. His voice cracked a bit, "I'm sorry. For what I did to you. For everything I did to you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I did once, and promised never to do that ever again. And I lied to you. I'm so sorry, Kiku, I really I am." Now the tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, and Kiku just stared at him with wide, surprised eyes. "I never wanted to. I would never want to hurt in any way, Kiku. I just…I didn't have a choice. If I did, then I wouldn't. But I just…couldn't." He gulped, and took another deep breath. He saw Kiku, slowly lowering the gun, listening attentively to what he has to say.

"I love you Kiku. I still do, even if you don't. I love you so much; it hurts me so much to be away from you. I will always love you, Kiku, even after I'm gone. I would never hate you, not now and not ever. I love you." Alfred paused, looking down. He then looked back up hopefully.

"Is it alright if I make…one, small request before you shoot?" Kiku did not respond, but he didn't shake his head.

"Is it okay if you," Alfred started, hesitating. His smile widened a bit. "Can you say what you used to say…'I love you'…one last time for me?" Kiku just stared back at him with wide, glazed eyes, and Alfred could swear that he was on the verge of tears. But, instead, he did not reply. He simply tilted his head down so his bangs can cover his eyes, and rose the pistol slowly up again. Alfred just closed his eyes and tilted his head to the ground. He understands. He doesn't deserve to hear him say those words once more. The image of Kiku burned into Alfred's head, as he thought about a final goodbye.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

He heard three loud shots being fired. He expected to be shot three times, and hit the cold, muddy ground. But, strangely, he didn't. No, Alfred hadn't even been shot by those three fires even once. He didn't feel anything go through him and causing him pain. Slowly, he opened both eyes and looked up. He was still on the battlefield, and he was still on his knees, getting drenched by the rain. Alfred looked at Kiku, who still had his head tilted down, but his arm with the pistol was raised towards the sky. He had shot three fires, yes, but he didn't shoot them at Alfred at all. What…? Alfred couldn't elaborate why Kiku didn't shoot him yet.

Then, slowly, Kiku dropped his pistol to the ground, and fell to his knees. Both of his hands were covering his face, and Alfred could tell that he was shaking hard.

"K-Kiku?" Alfred said worried at what happened to the small man, and moved closer.

"Do you…really mean that?" said a small choked voice. Streams of tears were running down Kiku's face, splattering all over his white pants uniform. "Do you really mean it? Even after all this?"

"Of course, Kiku! Of course I meant it! Why would you doubt that?" Why didn't you shoot me?

"…I can't…" Kiku looked up at Alfred, and it made Alfred's heart ache terribly. Kiku's face was filled with pain and betrayal, and his brown eyes seemed filled with hurt. His face was wet from the rain and flushed from his tears.

"I can't shoot you!" Kiku finally cried, placing his face into his hands. He continued to shake violently, crying out loud. "I can't do it, Alfred! I can't do it! I don't want to! I just can't!"

Alfred was crushed to see him in the state he was in. He softly placed his arms around Kiku, trying to calm him down by stroking his back and hair. The smaller man rushed into the other's arms, tightly gripping on to the other's uniform. Alfred pulled him into a bigger hug, and allowed himto bawl into his shoulder, tear-staining his clothes, trying to hold back from bawling.

"Why?" Kiku cried into his shoulder, trying to understand and shaking in the pair of protective arms. "Why would you do it? Why me? What did I do to you?"

"You did nothing, Kiku," Alfred said, breathing to remain calm. "It was just that…I couldn't do anything against it. It was my boss' orders. I would never do this to you, Kiku." There was a small pause before Kiku continued.

"Why does it have to be this way, Alfred?" His voice cracked, as he continued to sob and wipe his eyes with the other's clothes.

"…I don't know, Kiku." Alfred responded truthfully, trying to breathe properly from the tense atmosphere.

"You shouldn't have said that, Alfred. Do you realise what has to be done? Only one of us are allowed win this. The other has to die. I can't shoot you! I can't do it! We can't both stay alive!"

"Why can't you shoot me then?!" Alfred yelled furiously.

"I love you!" Kiku cried, breaking out of the hug and tried to regain control over his emotions. Alfred stared at him with wide eyes, as Kiku looked back at him with a smile. "I still love you too. So I can't…I can't kill you. No. I can't."

Alfred looked at him for a moment. After all that had been going on-after all those months of hurting Kiku terribly-, he still loves him? This can't be right. This isn't a good thing at all. Yes, Alfred is glad that his lover doesn't hate him, but what Kiku said was right. Only one of them can get out of this battle alive. The other's going to have to die. This can't be happening.

Alfred felt a hand bring up his hand, and something cool and metal being placed on his hand. He looked down, and he saw Kiku placing the pistol he was using in his hand.

"Kiku," Alfred hoarsely said. "What are you-?"

"Shoot me," He responded simply, as if it was the most obvious thing ever. The blonde looked at him with surprise, and was trying to comprehend what he heard.

"W-What?"

"Kill me, Alfred." Kiku bluntly said. He looked down. "It would be better that way."

"No!" Alfred yelled, pushing the pistol back to Kiku. "I lost! I don't deserve to live after what I did!"

"Alfred-kun-"

"You shoot me instead. Live longer than me, Kiku."

"No. I'm too old for this. You're still young. You can learn from your mistakes and such, and lead on. You need to live longer than me."

"No, I don't. After what I did to you, I don't deserve to live."

"Alfred, please!" Kiku cried, tears starting to fall again. He forced the pistol on to his hand. "Don't make this any harder for either of us! Please, just end this already! Do this for me at least! You love me, don't you? Then you should do what I say. Please, live on for me!"

Alfred just stared at Kiku's shaking form for a moment. He then grabbed him by the waist close to his chest, and leaned in. Closing his eyes, he forced his lips over the others, using one hand to cup his small face. Kiku did not resist the other's touch, and melted into him. Alfred opened his mouth a bit, deepening his mouth into the other's. He ran his hand through the soft, raven hair, feeling it, tasting him. He missed this feeling so much. They continued to make-out in the rain, not caring if anyone was there to watch. They didn't care how long they were at it for. It was their final time, and they wanted to savour the taste.

Once they broke, Alfred kissed him on the forehead softly, and whispered, "I love you Kiku…but I can't kill you."

Kiku looked at him with wide eyes, before giving off this sad, yet happy look. "I see how it is, then." He took the pistol off the ground and gave Alfred a kiss on his cheek. He walked past Alfred, who turned around to see what he was doing.

"Kiku?" Alfred asked, getting off the ground and kept his eyes on the figure. Kiku stopped at least 8 meters away from him before turning around. Alfred could hear the faint click of a pistol, and watched as he raised it to his temple.

"Alfred-kun," Kiku said, looking and smiling sadly at the boy. "You may want to look away."

"Kiku, what are you doing?" Alfred said, walking up towards him with difficulty. His whole body was sore from the battle he had. "Hey. Put the gun down. What are you going to do with it?"

"Alfred-kun," Kiku started, not letting go of the gun. His eyes were blank as he stared at the ground. "Thank you for everything." This time, Alfred picked up the pace.

"Wait, Kiku! What are you-" He yelled, but it seems like Kiku was ignoring him by closing his eyes.

"Thank you for still loving me, even after all this…"

"Now hold on-"

"Thank you for being there for me before…"

"Stop it!"

"Thank you for becoming my acquaintance, then my close friend, and then my lover… Thank you so much…"

" **Aishiteru. Arigatou. Soshite sayonara...** (I love you, Alfred-kun. Thank you. And goodbye...)"

There was the sound of a bullet that pierced through the air. A thump made Alfred stop dead on his tracks. He watched as the body of his loved one fall to the ground hard.

"No," he whispered as he saw the body fall.

He finally made it to where Kiku once stood; he could feel his heart stop. He stared at the lifeless corpse for a while, not knowing what to say.

Blood painted on side of Kiku's face, forming a pool around him on the ground. His eyes were closed, and the tips of his lashes were tainted with a bit of red. Shaking, heplaced a hand over his lover's heart. When he couldn't feel it beating or his chest rising and falling, he could feel another lump build up in his throat.

"Kiku?" Alfred asked the corpse softly, expecting a response. He received none. His other hand grazed over the other's forehead, and through his hair. Blood tainted his hand, but he didn't care.

"Kiku…" he repeated, hoping with all his heart that he'd respond. "Hey…Baby, look at me. Hey. Don't leave me sitting here." His voice started to crack, and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. "Talk to me. Talk to me like you always did. At least…At least say something mean to me. C'mon. Please. Open your eyes, please, just once; I need to see them…Look at me. Look at me, dammit! Stop pretending like you're not there! You're…you're not gone. Please, Kiku, please, don't just leave me like this…"

No responses were given. Nothing was given to Alfred. He received nothing from his constant begging for Kiku to wake up. Finally, when he could say nothing more, it finally sinks into Alfred. Nothing can be done at this point on. It's done. Nothing's left of it.

It was like a million bullets shot through him all at once, and he managed to live only to feel the pain it would bear him. Time seemed to suddenly go slowly, and a montage of memories passed through his mind in a blink of an eye. Memories of all those happy moments between him and Kiku. Smiling. Laughing. Holding hands. Beside each other. For what would seem like forever.

But that was now all shattered into multiple pieces and was now becoming distant, out of his reach. Forever out of his grasp.

"No…NO!" He screamed as loud as he can, digging his head into his lover's chest, bawling and blubbering the other's name repetitively, begging him to please come back.

The result of this long-term bloodbath has been sealed.


End file.
